“As a woman gathers more years she becomes more bold, which is not the same as brave: brave is jumping in. Bold is jumping in led by Angels. In age, we learn to know the difference, for certain, “older is bolder”.                                                                                                -Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With The Wolves

Getting There

      There were always different kinds of events going on in the city where I lived and I wanted to experience it. I don’t really remember how I found out about this Native American Sweat Lodge Ceremony. On the drive over to the location, I remember thinking, “I wish I had someone to drive all the way out here with me.” Later, I understood how important it was to do this alone as it would be  so many other “journeys” in the future. Imagine my “internal shock” as I came to the realization that much of my growth would come from the ability to continue on, especially, in the absence of comfort. Native Americans have been involved with these ceremonies for quite some time. So I began to listen to my inner voice, intuition, that said, continue on and see for yourself.

    I arrived at the grounds. No items like a purse or any other belongings were needed. Only sacred and natural items were to be inside of the ‘tent’ lodge. No jewelry or other excess is permitted (especially, because the heat makes it unbearable to tolerate next to your skin). As I went forward, I noticed I had previously seen some of these people at other functions. I was slightly acquainted with them, which made it a little more comfortable. Eventually, I made it to the large “TP-like” structure, the centerpiece of it all. Lightly covered with a “lapa” (long fabric covering) wrapped around my waist for a skirt, a thin strapped tank top and a light jacket because it was “freezing” out on this day, I waited and watched as people kind of just relaxed around the grounds. They had either just finished their “round” inside the lodge or were mingling with others. As I directly approached the lodge, I was greeted by a rather tall gentleman, who later became known to us as the firekeeper. 

The Purification Ceremony

In the Native American tradition, this ceremony and its procedures is known as a “purification ceremony” instead of sweatlodge. Sweating, of course is a biological process that will definitely rid the body of impurities. But, so much more happens within the lodge than just sweating in order to attain a type of purification of body, here, the spirit is involved. The lodge itself is made by acquiring limbs from a willow tree or some other sampling. The limbs are arranged in equal inches apart in a circular fashion to create a “dome shape”. Before the ceremony, everyone who was to participate assisted in erecting or adding to the lodge in some way. I offered up a blanket that I brought to keep warm as a contribution to part of the outer “covering. Items such as tarps, blankets and other breathable materials were used to cover the dome lodge as well. This helps maintain the temperature on the inside and ultimately create the Teepee. As I entered the lodge I could see the “firekeeper” attending to the searing hot rocks, making sure they were hot enough to be brought into the lodge when ready. 

Going In

As a preliminary to entering the lodge, I was asked by the firekeeper to walk around the dome-structure three times before entering. Sure that this had some ceremonial reference, I did as instructed. Once inside, I was met with immediate discomfort which probably had a lot to do with the crawling and slumping maneuvers I had to do because of the low ceiling. Others who had gotten there and settled in before me were situated in what I could ‘feel’ was a circle.  Because of what the master of ceremony would later describe as a “ triple darkness” I couldn’t see anything, not even my hands, in front of me. The only thing that was slightly visible to me was some of the red glow from the heat of the rocks coming from the pit dug in the middle to keep them stationary. I knew who was in the lodge with me because I saw the faces through the only light offered when the flap opened for me to enter. It comforted me a little when I recognized some of the people. A local chef and cookbook writer I knew of, a well-known rapper and a nutritional doctor with her son were amongst my lodge fellows. I sat down, cross-legged like everyone else was and began to breathe because frankly, this was really the only thing I could do as the steam from the water that was poured onto the hot rocks reached me.

My Story

      Sitting, on the swept and prepared dirt floor, inside of the lodge, in an intense heat that I can’t possibly explain hi made me pretty uncomfortable due to the limited space. This was really a moment of reckoning for me, because while I was so anxious to take part in this and hopefully reap all of the benefits of the ceremony itself, I was unsure if I would be able to continue. Something was happening inside  as a result of not being able to move freely. I had been sitting there for about ten minutes while the Elder was talking and explaining. I don’t know how much I heard or paid attention to before the inevitable happened- I had to go to the bathroom! Or at least, that’s what I said. I had just lied. In order to maintain a certain energy inside of the lodge,  the door flaps are only supposed to open at the beginning, the end, and for the firekeeper to refresh with hot rocks. I also knew that I was amongst folks who were well-versed as to how to carry out these procedures and who informed me  that if for any reason I felt the need to leave for health reasons or just because I could no longer continue, that I should most certainly leave. This gave me the further comfort that I needed.  And while I (mostly my ego) didn’t want anyone to think that I couldn’t do it, I HAD to leave. I crawled across a couple of people, stepped out of the lodge, stretched my legs and with a sigh of relief and a bit of embarrassment, I made my way to the bathroom. 

After a cool splash of water in the face and a slight reckoning with myself, I re-emerged from the bathroom ready to go back inside the sweat lodge. Walking back to the Teepee, I was a lot more at ease. I was okay with being nervous to continue. A little scared, even. So as I followed my intuition and went back inside, I felt a new sense of calm. I believe it had a lot to do with the positive energy that I could feel inside of the tent. The ‘Elder’ who led the ceremony told us about his Native American family history and other stories. Like stories about crows, the sun and the moon. After a while I noticed that I wasn’t uneasy at all and that l was really into the stories. They were an interesting distraction against the heat and the “triple darkness” surrounding us inside the teepee. Later, a pipe was passed in which each person was allowed to have a puff. Inside the pipe was healing and cooling herbs like sage, cedar, sweetgrass and some tobacco (without chemicals) which is an important medicine used for cultural and spiritual purposes. We even sang songs. I was really having an amazing time. 

The ceremony came to an end and we all went into another part of the ground’s building to eat. As we were all sitting there a lady said that she had gotten some crystal quartz from the Grand Canyon and asked if we’d like some. I still have it till this day. Driving back home I remember thinking of how proud of myself I was for doing this. Proud because at first, I wasn’t able to make it for 3 minutes and I ended up being in there for 3 hours! It was a good day. I even felt quite renewed or refreshed in some way.  The feeling was a confidence knowing that I could encounter many other experiences, energy on the other side with greater understanding. Through experiences like this and many others, and the exploration of our world and the Peoples in it, we will one day find ourselves virtually living our REALITY.